Talk:Spiderwebs/@comment-28768629-20131210000254
I have a lot to say right now. You don't have to read this but I have to get it out. I've never been skinny. Ever. But when I was in Kindergarten that didn't matter to me. Everyone just looked the same to me. There wasn't any difference between us because looks didnt matter. We were taught that we were all beautiful and perfect and it didn't matter what any of us looked like, it only mattered what was on the inside. 1st grade and 2nd grade I got bigger. Of course the other kids got bigger but not as big as I did. At the time I didn't think much of it. I had two really good friends in second grade, I'll call them Carly and Brittany for now. Brittany was blonde, pretty, rich, and Carly and I followed her around all the time. She told us how to dress and how to look and she would always take my food at snack time because I "didn't need the extra food". One day Carly got fed up with it and found some new friends but I stayed with Brittany. 3rd grade Brittany and I weren't in the same class. This was also the year I got glasses. I thought they were pretty cool until I wore them to school the next day and I was teased by a bunch of the boys in class. I had some friends that would stick up for me but I thought that I was still ugly no matter what anyone said. So I stopped wearing them. 4th grade is when it started. I was sitting next to Carly who was now my friend again and I noticed how much smaller her legs were than mine and how her stomach didn't stick out. I went home that day and stood on the scale and I weighed much more than I thought I did. I spent the rest of the night doing push ups and sit ups and running in place. I lost a whole pound that night. Nothing changed much in 5th grade but in 6th grade everyone did. I had gained a lot of weight again and I noticed how many people were skinnier than I was. I would go to the bathroom during class everyday and tell myself how fat I was in the mirror. My mom would too. She would always give me half the food she gave my brother and when I asked why she would tell me that I was starting to get fat. Through 7th grade I would go downstairs every night and eat all the food I could find and I got bigger and bigger and bigger. One day during school I was walking towards my locker when I heard some of my classmates say how ugly I was. I skipped my next class and just cried in one of the bathroom stalls. Then that summer I moved. 8th grade in my new town was much better than I thought. I made tons of friends who lived in my neighborhood and I realized that I had more friends now than I ever did. And for the first time in a long time, I was happy. Then one day, one of my classmates told me I needed to "lay off the chips" right to my face! And after that I started to see how much smaller my friends were than me. And started eating alot again and it went through the whole summer. Finally here we are 9th grade, the present. A few weeks ago when I was stuffing my face I cracked. I couldn't take it anymore so I went to the bathroom and threw up everything I ate. It wasn't the first time I did this. I had done it a few times in the past years but I never stayed with it. And since then I've thrown up multiple times a day. This story doesn't have a happy ending. For now. Today I wanted to just die but you guys helped me through it and I can't thank you enough. I don't know what's going to happen in the future but I'm glad I'll have you guys to help me out